reflect.

and so it goes...

i've been out of school for over a year. how has this affected me?
both negatively & positively.
i've grown... as a person, experiencing things that i would not have otherwise if i were still in school.
however, i feel stupid(-er). i'm almost certain i've killed off more than enough brain cells.
i know & understand the importance of education, i know & understand that i must stay focused this year.
the constant doubts and fears continue to circulate in and out of my thoughts.
sometimes, i think it's why i can't sleep at night [and he tells me it's because i watch tv before i go to bed... it could be that too].
it's difficult to shut the thoughts out.

it's funny really, i thought after dropping out of school, my life would quiet down a bit. i would spend some time in ... solitary confinement. spend some time getting to know my parents better. spend some time getting to know myself better.
i suppose i've done all of that still, but none of it would have been the same if it weren't for him. he might sit there & deny it, but i know how i feel.

[she's steam, laughing on the window panes].

objective introspection...
not really, no.
judge yourself as you judge others.
harsh criticisms, take it & swallow.