temper, temper

'and so i bottled it up and kept the words to myself'

................................................................


eyes open.
no sun today.
the minutes pass. sluggish.
mouth dry.
nicotine beckoning lips to orange filter.
muscle spasms, pressing footsteps to my ears.
eyeliner smearing, creating deeper black and blue pouches of skin.
skin kneaded like dough, pinching and pulling.
i want it off.
orange filter to chapped lips, swift strong pulls.
exhale, smoke stagnant in the air.
hard, fast, cold streaming water.
chattering teeth.
throat clenches, chains tightening around my stomach,
convulsions, why can't i breathe?
i force it out.
desperate need for air.
my head rolls back, straighten up.
tears in the mirror, red veins in a sea of white.
let the morning come.


i order breakfast, exchange pleasantries with joyce, it's the same as every morning.
i make my sugar with coffee, and sit at the table closest to the window.
pretty delicate phalaenopsis suffering and dead, root rot of course.
he walks in, he's been wearing the same outfit since i was 15.
he chooses the table next to me, the legs are uneven, he takes notice.
and commences with his obsessive compulsiveness,
turn, shift, turn, shift, seasaw, turn, shift, seasaw.
it won't stick old man, it won't.
"son of a bitch"
he mutters under his breath, i hear him.
turn, shift, seasaw.
keep going, the table will thank you later.
he settles for the moment, rummages through his goodie bag.
five plastic bottles, one by one placed on the table.
size order, please.
i only see the name of one bottle from where i'm sitting.
OSTEO-FLEX, the biggest of the five.
he makes me nervous, so i stand and walk to another table,
the door jingles open, and my parents walk in.
"hello darling," my mother says aloud.
it's family breakfast time.
i feel comfortable.
the day drags on.
and it's still dragging.
11.25 AM envy on the coast; lapse.
mozilla firefox, zune, adobe photoshop CS.
I WANT MY BED.